THE N95 Bandits legion

THE N95 Bandits legion

Hi I am neetesh reporting live from the swine flu capital of India – Pune, rather I should say from the line of fire. Recently the city is under siege by a army of N95 cadets and the number is growing exponentially. As soon as you set foot in here you can feel the fear. You can see it in their eyes. This legion is of a different kind it doesn’t have to scare people it is for scared people.

The observations made below are truly original and penned down carefully with the intent of satire. Please be careful while reading. So… lets start off….. for the naïve ones the definition first.

What is a N95 bandit’s legion?

All people wearing N95 masks to protect themselves from h1n1.

Fearful ppl, can be seen everywhere with scared faces, some who were not worthy of being recruited are using handkerchiefs. There has been a new addition with ppl covering their faces with everything and anything they can find around.

An advt. for hiring people in this legion –

Wanted scared people (or swine) who believe in rumors, are engrossed with panic, can afford to keep their nose and mouth covered whole day long. You need to buy the defense equipment yourself a N95 is preferable although just about anything which can cover your nose and mouth will do good. You should be a self motivated person and able to encourage others also to join this league.

You have to maintain the high standards by keeping yourself protected as long as you can and spreading the word. Remember you should not be distracted by any sort of medical advice you have to believe yourself and only the other cadets.

You have to take a leave of atleast 3 days owing to the flu and creating sufficient doubt in minds of others. Only then you honor your allegiance to the legion

Note – We are an equal opportunity employer and do not discriminate on the basis of ethnicity, caste, creed or religion.

Disclaimer – I think I need to provide a reason why I wrote a swine is fit for the job. Because another primary objective is to create a shortage of the masks and increase the price making others crave for it who are in dire need.

Observations –

Till now only the pretty lasses used to protect themselves like that, although not with a N95 but with a scarf covering everything from their hair to faces leaving just enough space for their eyes to see through. But now this fashion fever has taken all from young to old guys to gals. I was wondering whether it does protect you from the flu but it will – definitely from the high pollution levels in the city. Another good effect would be everyone will look slightly fairer.

Some unsure ones have been seen around trying to cover their face only when someone looks at them. It’s the other way of putting things that they are pretending to protect themselves .The strongest motivator for me writing this was one of these girls at my workplace covering her face like the cleaning staff although her scarf was more colorful.

I was also wondering about the after effects of this flu. This mask is going to change the entire look of the cityscape. Because the people who have bought this expensive branded N95 merchandise are not going to throw it away just like that. It’s going to be in fashion for a long time.

So all you people reading this “The swine is passé the N95 is in”.